


Expedition of a Lifetime

by thebeccac



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/M, Gore, Grief/Mourning, Near Death Experiences, Original Character(s), Romance, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan References, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-08-03 22:19:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16334306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebeccac/pseuds/thebeccac
Summary: That one catastrophic expedition had an effect on everyone. Levi Ackerman also; not only had he lost his trusted squad, but also his beloved wife. [Levi x OC, rated T-M for future chapters]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The OC's name is pronounced like Blaw-heen (it's Irish for little flower)

_I met a man who lost his sun,_

_His life was now bleak and his vision became numb_

* * *

 

The Survey Corps had returned from the 57th expedition a day or two ago.

Nobody kept count because nobody dared to speak of that catastrophe of an expedition. Why would they anyway? Who in their right mind would want a recollection of such events?

It was midday, and some people were just lounging around HQ, just being idle. Of course, they were recovering, be it physically, emotionally or mentally.

Levi was in his office. He overslept. Yes, being a corporal had its (few) perks, but staying up all night to do paperwork certainly wasn't one of them.

White rays of sunlight poured through the cirrus clouds, and was beating down through the window. It was blinding. There were birds chirping some merry, whimsical song. There was a small breeze, along with a bit of laughter from the Mess Hall. It was bliss.

That, or...it was stark contrast as to what they had just seen, so to speak.

In his sleep, Levi was tapping his quill against his wooden desk like a woodpecker. Sounds of bustling footsteps roamed the corridor resulting in him to wake up abruptly, but groggily. He stirred around a bit before sitting up straight. His eyes darted from left to right, taking in his surroundings and recalling where he was last. Ah, my office...The bane of my life if you take out the titans, he grumbled.

He pushed his chair back, and made his way over to the couch in his room, of which had another pile of paperwork. But alas, being exhausted and being distracted by the amount of paperwork he had been doing, he forgot about his broken ankle.

"Ugh, Bláithín? Can you help me, please?" he called out, keeping his foot hovering above the ground. "Shit..." he grunted as he put pressure on it.

He lifted his foot a few millimeters above the ground and hopped over to the couch. In transit to the couch, there was knock on the door. Levi stopped, extending one leg out while standing on the other to make sure he wouldn't bash it off anything else.

"Levi." Erwin called from outside his office, reminding him to do paperwork.

"I know, I know." He grunted in response. He bent down and picked up the pile of paperwork. He was being asocial enough as it was and decided to limp out to the Mess Hall to join the others.

Upon arrival, he sat down on the setter. He took out his quill and began to flick through the paperwork as time dragged on. He was going through the death toll, the living soldiers, the injuries sustained and other boring details. After around half an hour or so, he was greeted by Erwin, Hange and Mike. After doing a headcount, he concluded that someone was missing.

"Where's Bláithín?" he asked them, a bit bewildered.

* * *

 

_A man who had seen so much,_

_A man who was so brave,_

_Once I saw him, I knew he had to be saved_

* * *

 

Bláithín Hahn was a squad leader. A very well-known and powerful soldier of the Survey Corps. She was very well known for her use of the 3D Maneuver Gear. She was a Lance Corporal just like Levi. There were many notable things to say about her. Her being a good soldier, Squad Leader, Corporal, but also, how she managed to maintain a very committed relationship with Levi.

Mike, Erwin and Hange looked at each other. Hange's lips parted in disbelief and adjusted her glasses trying to lay off the subject, and glanced at Erwin. Mike looked at the Commander and Squad Leader and then averted his eyes to Levi, before sniffing the room. "Tch," was all he could say and then glanced at Erwin once more.

Erwin sighed knowing he'd have to be the one to give the news. Words would not be appropriate, especially since Levi's concern only doubled with every passing second.

He simply slid a document being held together in a binder down the table. Levi corked a brow at his superior's actions, but read the cover of the document:

**Name:**  Corporal Bláithín Hahn

**Age** : 28

**Affiliation:**  Survey Corps

**Occupation:**  Lance Corporal and Squad Leader

**Status:**  [Deceased]

**Cause:**  N/A

"Levi," Erwin began, "it's more than reasonable to assume she is dead. Nobody saw how she died. She lost her parents long before the fall of Wall Maria, so there's no point in telling anybody anything, even if she does have family or friends. She has nothing in her will or-"

Levi balled hands into fists. "...No," was all Levi murmur, his voice cracking. "No, no, no! Sh-She...she couldn't have died..."

Every fibre of Levi's being was aching, the only evidence was the quiver in his voice on the word 'she'. He could feel his resolve falling brittle, already, his eyes welling.

"Levi, I know you're obviously upset, but you just have to-" Hange tried to say. Levi simply had to inhale sharply to make her shut up.

"If anyone needs me, don't - unless urgent, in which case I'll be in my office." he stated simply, and got up. "I want to be alone..."

"Levi, wait, we can-!" Hange called out.

_"S-shut up..._ " he replied hastily, practically ignoring her and everyone else in the Mess Hall. He ignored the stares coming from his subordinates. Obviously his downcast eyes and his hooded face was not a pleasant sight to behold.

Once in his office, he slammed the door shut and locked it. His eyes remained tightly shut. He limped over to his desk, and sat down.

He lounged back and covered his eyes as a few tears threatened to make themselves known. He inhaled and exhaled deeply. He removed his locked fingers from his gaze when a twinkle caught his eye.

He lowered his hand and stared at it for a few moments before he just felt like something inside him cracked.

It was the most valuable and treasured thing he ever owned. It glimmered in the sunlight, so too his tears, which eventually turned into silent yet uncontrollable sobs.

"Bláithín..why y-you of all people..?" he hiccuped as he fiddled with the golden band on his finger

* * *

 

_A man who had seen too much,_

_Whose mind was corrupt,_

_And his hopes and dreams shattered,_

_It was all so abrupt_

* * *

 

(Crappy poetry attempted by yours truly) Please comment!!!


	2. 1. The Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bláithín receives a rather grim letter.

** 834: **

_Me? Strong? No... hardly... I'm only a weak, feeble little girl who has had everything suddenly robbed._

_I am a victim of circumstance and I feel like this has ruined me..._

_Be strong, be strong, be strong.._

_._

_._

_._

Bláithín sat alone on the sitting room, doing homework. Living in Sine, she was privileged enough to go to school. She was fortunate enough to be able to read and write, compared to others in Rose and Maria where literacy rates paled in comparison. Though, with the Titans still haunting their way of life, there was a limit on what they could learn; whatever they learned came from inside the Walls. Just like anyone else, what lived outside the walls was a total mystery.

A little chortle came into hearing range and Bláithín snapped her head around and saw her younger sister, Elise, coming in.

"Ah, hi!" the elder sister beamed, though not taking her head away from her book.

"Can you play with me now? I couldn't play undercover agents without you..." her sister moped. "Whaddya reading there anyway?"

Bláithín corked a brow as she stared down at her sister. She ruffled her hair affectionately as she remembered. "I don't think I've played that with you since I was like ten." She murmured.

"Ah, whatever...Why are you reading anyway? You sounded all high and mighty recently when you said you wanted to join the Survey Corps." Her sister pointed out.

Bláithín pursed her lips into a tight line. True, if one wanted to join the Survey Corps, they'd want to be somewhat built, or at least fit. Bláithín was more of the studious side, at the moment. Her parents, both leading soldiers in the Scout Regiment, taught her the very basics, but she was completely inexperienced with the gears and whatnot.

"Maybe I'm a 'late bloomer' or something," she chimed. "I'm in no rush to join it. I'll join to honour them and stereotypical and generic shit like that..." And of course, saying the word 'shit' caused her sister to erupt in a fit of giggles. "Oh, grow up..."

"You stop being so grown up, it's annoying. And stop being sarcastic too, I can't tell if it is sarcasm or not."

"It's not sarcasm if it's pure honesty." She muttered, before tackling into her sister but quickly resumed to her reading.

Bláithín continued to scribble away at some things on her notebook while Elise ambled up the stairs, dangerously hanging and sliding up and down the banister. It creaked loudly, loud enough for Bláithín to hear it and bitterly chastise her for it.

That was how a normal day was spent. Elise would play with Bláithín, and vice versa. It was happy and peaceful like this.

This would have been a typical day in the life of those who were of nobility or were fortunate enough to live in Mitras. It was so peaceful. Access to everything; top quality food, education, the finest clothes.

It felt so bizarrely peaceful.

(Sometime later)

The postman came.

Once again, [F/n] sat alone. Her bedroom windows were closed and the curtains were drawn shut. Her salty, almost corrosive tears streamed down her face and dappled the crumpled up piece of paper. There was a persistent, acidic burn in her stomach. The dull throbbing of her heart, the warm salty tears streaming down her puffy cheeks... It was like her tears were making a permanent burn into her face, as though she was constantly reminded of the letter she just read.

There was a burning fury in her chest that raged like a forest fire. There was rage that Titans determined their fate, ultimately, but deep, deep down, there was a girl who was very hurt.

The tears reminded her that there was no need to pinch herself; this was real and this was irreversible.

"Bláithín! Come out, please~!" her sister sang. "You were just running around and playing with me a few seconds ago..."[

Bláithín choked back a strangled sob that felt as though it was lodged in her trachea. Her sister's voice spoke of naivety, happiness and rainbows and unicorns...

Bláithín knew this day was going to come... but she wasn't expecting it to be this soon, nor was she expecting herself to be so young. She was hoping she'd be older and know how to deal with these heavy emotions if this day did come.

Unfortunately, that time in her life never came.

Dead is dead; she knew full well. But her parents never taught her how to cope, nor did her estranged uncle.

Her parents were the first exceptionally dear people she lost. She didn't know her grandparents, and she didn't have any other uncles or aunts.

A mewl from behind the door caused her head to snap up. Elise had opened up the door anyway.

The eight year old, not even taking a moment to cast a glance at her sister's complexion beamed, "Mom and Dad are coming home tomorrow, aren't they? I'm so excited!"

Her older sister sidled down from her bed sluggishly and walked over to her sister. Gripping her forearm, she shoved her out of her room and slammed the door shut.

Regret.

That was what she felt instantly after doing that. Her sister was nothing but a ray of sunshine, always sought happiness no matter what. She was a tough ten year old and had managed to fight through many difficulties. For example, when their parents were gone for a few months at a time, she would fight through it.

This letter... Bláithín was always was happy, chivalrous and warm around her loved ones, she could cope when her parents were gone for long periods... but this letter was the one thing that broke had slammed into her far too soon. It pained her so much.

She slumped up against the door before falling into a heap, clutching the letter, and had a strong desire to tear it to shreds as if it would erase the past.

Her promise to herself was that when her parents died and or when she was twelve, she would join the Training Corps.

She wasn't so sure now.

If she was sure of one thing, it would be that she needed a bit of fresh air. She opened up the door again and traipsed down the stairs. She quickly slipped out the door, closing it before walking out into the spacious garden.

To a soldier, receiving another letter like that, they would act as though it was as innocuous as trampled flowers, but it's not like they were slowly falling apart. But to her, the way she thought and had suddenly snapped.

The naivety, the innocence, the sugar-coated, fake thoughts...were simply flushed from her system in those few seconds. When her parents came back with smiles on their faces, happy to see their children again...what was behind those smiles...?

Anxiety? Fear? Sadness?

How many times had they come back and forced a smile upon their face when their infants were squealing with joy to see them when they've just been through hell?

Almost like a mime in a box, they were acting.

Bláithín, only realizing it now, was one of them.

She was naïve and oblivious to deaths going on around her, she never stopped to think about what was actually happening.

She now knew that her parents could have much sooner. She now realized they could have easily come back missing a limb.

If only she had learned how to deal with her emotions. She couldn't muster up any decency or control to look her sister in the eye when she walked into her room before and say, "No, you're wrong... Mother and Father aren't returning..." before tossing the letter on the ground for her sister to read.

_To whom it may concern,_

_As of our most previous expedition, we are sorry to say that both Mr. and Mrs. Hahn have died. We offer you our condolences._

_Whatever possessions that have been left behind shall be sent on. Their children, Bláithín and Elise Hahn are now the rightful owners,_

_Yours faithfully,_

_11th Commander of the Scout Regiment._

* * *

_I would like to clarify the following:_

_\- that there are spoilers EVERYWHERE in the story. Well, not everywhere, but I am taking elements of the most recent manga chapters (chapters 86 - 110 to be absolutely specific.) Also taking spoilers from A Choice With No Regrets later on, too._

_See ya_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a kudos/comment, I'd love to know what you think!


	3. 2. Dinner

_In life, you can't always get what you want._

To Bláíthín, it was odd hearing that, accepting that, for the first time. She was raised as a noble child, an addition to one of the most powerful lineages in Mitras.

Up until now, her life was planned, set in stone. She always knew her next step. That being, securing a place in a leading grammar school and acquiring the finest education as possible. Then, leaving school and meeting her suitors; noble children were often married off to improve prosperity for both families involved. Her role would then shift to being a mother and housewife.

Everything was calculated and decided for her. She accepted this.

Knowing that her parents would no longer be behind her though made her realize the futility of promises, swears and oaths. All this time, such were concrete statements of the absolute truth. It was all so utterly unfair to have your world crash around you.

Bláíthín cast a glance over to Elise and then to the butler who had prepared dinner.

"Dinner this evening," he stated with bright smile on his face, hoping food may make the girls budge an inch. He knew what had happened but assumed it would have been better to be oblivious to what had just transpired.

He laid the table for them with a light salad followed by a delicious edelfisk, served in a peppery sauce. Last up came the bread, both white and brown, warm and fresh. He stood up straight once he left the platters on the table and bowed to the two girls.

How pathetic, he thought to himself, they both just lost their parents and their uncle won't even join them for dinner.

Elise looked at her dinner before her. There was no point in keeping her in the dark about what had happened and unfortunately, she found out equally as abruptly as Bláíthín.

"Elise, y-you... you need to eat."

It took a lot out of Bláíthín for her to even say that. She tried blinking away her tears. She wasn't emotionally prepared to stomach this by any means, but she felt a great sense of duty within her to nurture Elise. To take care of her.

_To protect her._

Bláíthín was no  _mother_  though. She was far too young to assume such a role yet. Sure, she protected her from Sven when he was angry at them, taking her punishments for her instead. Or she'd sneak out after school was finished and bought delicious food from the near-by bakery. She figured that when duty called... _she figured she'd have to be doing the right thing._

Bláíthín could see the tears welling in her eyes until they spilled, and she let go of her strained and stifled emotions, crying unabashedly. Bláíthín's heart tore at the very sight of her sister crying. If Bláíthín wasn't able to process death like this, it was surely much harder for an eight year old.

It was in this angle or lighting that something suddenly dawned on Bláíthín. Elise didn't look an awful lot like her older sister. In fact, they seemed to be friends more so than any type of blood relation between them. They had the same hair colour and same personality as their beloved mother, but that was all.

It was a very long night. They both retired to their rooms without uttering a word to each other, though the two sisters hugged each other very briefly before she tried to put their own minds at ease.

Though it was far from a peaceful night. Halfway through the night, there was a banging on her door.

.

.

Bláíthín awoke with a fright and gripped her bed covers. To be fair, she wasn't exactly sleeping well to begin with. She leaped out of bed and was going to make her way towards the door when her uncle burst through. Bláíthín wasn't too pleased to see him when he refused to acknowledge her and Elise's suffering earlier on today. But in all honesty, in the dim light from the hallway, she could see he didn't seem to be grieving in anyway; if anything, he seemed to be in a state of panic.

"Uncle... w-what's going on?"

He grabbed her arm and rushed her down the stairs. "You need to leave. I cannot explain. There is a carriage outside, waiting to take you to Shiganshina."

Bláíthín was lacking the sense of urgency that he had.

_Just why on earth would she have to go to Shiganshina?_

She was just dressed in a pastel blue night-gown and slippers. She wasn't equipped to leave her own home in the middle of the night. She halted dead in her tracks, which her uncle wasn't too impressed with.

"W-why... must I go there, Uncle?" she asked, her voice in a whisper. "Is Elise coming with me?"

Sven continued to push her out the door against her will. It seemed as though he couldn't care less. "I can't explain right now." He continued to tug her along with him out into the garden and beyond the metal gates. He held her hand as she stepped into the carriage.

She shook her head frantically, tears welling in her eyes. Hadn't she cried enough today?

"Why am I going to Shiganshina?! I can't live there by myself! Why can't you come-"

"Sven, shut her up, will you? She's giving me a headache!" shouted one of the men at the front.

Sven looked at his pocket watch and pushed her into the carriage and quickly shut the door behind her. Bláíthín balled her hands into fists and pounded on the window, begging to be freed. She cried and pleaded with her uncle, who looked totally unsympathetic the whole time. She could hear the thumping of her heart that pounded like a jackhammer; she could feel the burning, salty tears trail down her cheeks. Her senses had now been amplified tenfold, her tears so hot they would leave burn marks in their tracks reminding her of her defeat in this situation.

_Defeat._

_I'm so... helpless, she said to herself. Why is this happening to me?_

She was being stripped away of everything she loved. Elise, her care-free and loving sister and always played pranks on her. Her friends from her grammar school, who comforted her when she longed to see her. And above all, her parents themselves; when they were so tired after the expeditions they partook as part of their career of Survey Corps veterans... they always made it within their best interest to reunite with their daughters and take care of them as though they never had left in the first place.

She sat on the seats in the carriage in utter defeat once the horses began to move. She buried her head in her hands and continued to sob.

This world is just so...  _tainted_  and  _unfair_ , for nearly everyone squashed behind these cramped walls.

She was so tired. Not physically, but emotionally. She wasn't planning on going to sleep. She exhaled heavily and wiped her eyes. It was in that moment that she decided she wasn't going down, not like this. She wasn't going to be placed in another situation of unfamiliarity. How would she even fend for herself in Shiganshina?

An hour later, the horses stopped moving. She peered out the window and saw that the men had stopped outside of a bar. The bar itself looked somewhat familiar, maybe her parents had gotten something to eat there and took their daughters with them.

 _Okay, so I'm still in Mitras_ , she noted.

She tried opening the door to find out that it was locked shut. She huffed heavily and stared up at the ceiling and noticed the pane of glass on top was open ajar. She stood up on the seat. She was quite tall for her age so she was able to reach. She tipped the pane up to see if would move, unfortunately it didn't. This was her shot of running back home... She was going to do whatever she could.

She took off her shoes that had a slight heel to them and started to hack away at the glass on top. She glass started to shatter like streak lighting across thunderous clouds. From the very slight knowledge she had on self-defense - which really was incredibly slight, mind you - she shielded her thumb with her fingers and punched through the glass. She hissed as shards of glass cut her knuckles, but it was fine. It wasn't as painful as everything that happened today after all...

She pushed herself up and stood on top of the roof of the carriage. She was a tiny bit scared of heights and having to jump from distances, but that didn't matter now. As 'prim and proper' as one might describe her and her lifestyle to date, she held no fear towards doing what needed to be done to ensure benefits of any kind. She closed her eyes and took a leap of faith. She landed on her feet. They hurt but against all odds, she could still walk.

Then, she heard the door to the tavern burst open. Maybe Sven's guards only stopped by for a quick 'top-up'. They yelled in shock upon looking through the carriage window and finding out she wasn't there. One argued that they should be honest and report to Lord Sven as to what happened, but the other clarified they'd probably lose their heads to fail at such an 'easy task.'

And so, they sat on patrol hoping the prodigal daughter would return.

But she didn't.

She wasn't going to.

She had tucked her way inside a stairwell and continued to walk down until darkness enshrouded her vision. She saw what appeared to be candlelight at the end of the stairwell. She ran as fast as her legs could carry her until she approached what appeared to be a city made of mud walls. She had heard rumours of this place, the Underground District, and they appeared to be true. Life down here was far worse than above.

She saw violence against women and children alike, gambling, drugs, drunkards... She saw poverty.

She saw the hungry eyes of older men that looked at her petite frame.

She saw the people struggling to walk, whose legs had broken down due to lack of sunlight and vitamin D.

She saw the children and mothers crying, crying out for a bit of sustenance.

It was far worse than the utter hell she had been going up until now. This was not a place for her... The people down here had known tragedy their whole lives, unlike her. She pivoted around to the entrance she came in only to see a guard stood by the stairwell. He dismissed anyone who didn't have any valid form of citizenship.

What had she done? How could she be so foolish and not watch where she was going?

She continued to walk. She wasn't going to back down, she refused. Though ideally, it would have been a wise idea to try persuade the guards to allow her up, everyone knew Lord Sven after all. The only problem was what was going on above ground... had Sven sent more guards out to search for his niece in every nook and cranny of Mitras? She wouldn't risk it.

Her uncle was a sour man who had conservative ideals and had no problem resorting to violence to get what he wanted or as means of punishment. She was accustomed and familiar with the leather belt and wooden spoon herself. What would happen if she showed herself to the family estate after escaping the carriage he had put her in in the first place? She didn't even want to imagine.

And so, she traveled deeper and deeper into the Underground until her legs gave way and exhaustion seized her mind.

A trio had been walking around at the time, lead by a raven-haired man. Neither of them had been watching where they had been going until said raven-haired stopped the female companion beside him from stepping over the young sleeping girl on the corner of a house.

"Levi-bro, do you know her?"

Levi eyed her precariously and knelt down before her, turning her around to lie on her back. She was wearing a burgundy petite coat and a pastel blue and rather - dare-he-say - shear dress. The family insignia was sewn into the left breast pocket.

"I know of her, Isabel. She's one of those prissy nobles, one of the Hahn family's heirs," he answered. "The question is how could she be so stupid to wander into such a shit-stained district like this."

"How do you know she's a Hahn?" Isabel asked.

"It says it there." He replied, pointing to her breast-pocket where a handkerchief was shoved in.

 _"I wish I was able to read..."_  she spoke under her breath.

Levi eyed her for a few seconds more. He noted her puffy cheeks and the tracks tears left. He noted the bruises on her shoulders that resembled lashes from belts, they seemed recent. He sighed. Even nobles have a hard time? No, surely not, he said to himself.

"If I had to guess... this shitty brat ran away from home, not wanting to be discovered." He hoisted her over his shoulders. "Farlan, tell the guard they may have fresh meat coming." He ordered to the fair-haired lad.

"Why? Where are you taking her?"

"Well, I already have two hungry mouths to feed, don't I? I can't handle a third. I'm certainly no daddy to this spoiled brat," he answered as he started to walk to the stairwell. "Every once in a while, the Military Police collect future recruits for the Cadet Corps. At least if she goes there, she'll have food and a bed to sleep on."

Isabel and Farlan looked at each other before the other male spoke up again. "If that's the case, why can't we go up?"

Levi rolled his eyes and clicked his tongue. "Tch, don't be stupid. We have too much of a reputation down here to ever even dream of going up there. Stop spouting such bullshit, we'll never make it up there."

After a while of walking in silence, the girl was left in the hands of the guard at the post where the stairwell was.

The trio walked away, Levi walking in front as if nothing ever happened...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment, leave a kudos, etc! I'd love to know what you think! :)


	4. 3. What Is Normal?

She woke up in a bed that was not her own. Her eyes were heavy and no desire to get up.

She could hardly remember the day prior's events, her mind so overcome with grief and just utter misery to truly concentrate on just about anything. Surely she didn't end up going to Shiganshina in the end, right?

 _No..._  she remembers walking through somewhere dark. Horrible sights surrounded her; the poverty, the starvation, the stench of a cistern thrown on top of it all was just too gruesome for her to even think back on it.

That was how some people lived though. She always appreciated what she had - that being a bed, education, food to fill her stomach - but never got to get an insight as to how other people lived. She lived her life with everything handed to, everything she may ever need; people in the Underground, or other Wall District-inhabitants, had to survive with what little they had.

How sad, she said to herself. She just threw the chance of a normal life down the drain. Completing her education? Gone. Having kids? Also gone.

A 'normal' life, huh? What about this world was even normal in the first place? People go their whole lives knowing that there is a very high chance their loved ones could be taken from them at a moment's notice, shoved down the putrescent gullets of the Titans that roamed beyond the walls.

That was not normal, far from it. Bláithín's idea of normal was based on what she saw in the books she read as a child.

Every Christmas, her uncle would give her a book or two. He wasn't a very nice man, but he did place importance on education and books were the key source to knowledge in his eyes. He believed knowledge helped better a person. The books were tattered and worn, often meaning they were rather old. She'd inquire where he picked up these books and his answer was always the same: 'from far away', whatever that meant. Occasionally, he presented her with stories, rather than journals; stories - which occasionally contained poems - about love, nature, death, sadness and family.

_Family._

She had one, most definitely, and she had more of a family than some people in this life. Often times, she associated a family with normalcy. But with very infrequent visits from her parents because of their profession, did she have a normal life?

As per the books: yes, to an extent. Her parents were very loving, her mother in particular. Her mother was always quite shy, as though she had so much to say; you could see it in her eyes after all, her eyes that had seen so much and rained with the pain she had witnessed and experienced. Never would she tell a soul though, with the exclusion of her husband. Regardless, though, she always made sure to spend time with her daughters when she did return from expeditions. She read to them, she would play with them in the garden, cuddle them when they were sad. Above all, she always promised she'd be there for her daughters. 

_"You should know that it's in my best interest to watch you two achieve happiness and your goals."_

Or,

_"I'll always be around to watch you succeed in life. I promise."_

Bláithín learned what it meant to be a mother in that time and how to approach others and help them. She knew how to tend to injuries and care for the sick.

How to be there for people.

A true mother hen.

How she was able to promise that she would come back, when her life was always on the line? It certainly aroused curiosity within Bláithín.

It was a shame such a promise couldn't be kept.

Her father was very kind and protective. He taught her very basic self-defence if she ever needed it. It took him back to a time where he had only started the Training Corps; a much a simpler time in which he didn't have to fight Titans in it. A time where he didn't have to leave his children behind for months on end. A time where he didn't have to spend days worrying would he see his beloved wife again.

So yes, maybe by the books, she had a normal family life. But she would never understand why her uncle wouldn't accommodate to their needs while their parents weren't around to take care of them. That's what family was for, to look after each other. Her uncle was just never there, period. When he was, he would be stressed from whatever he was working on up in his office, which was strictly off-limits. Elise was there to play with and they had a good bond, but she had friends who she could go out with after school. Bláithín had some friends, but only during school, not to mention that talking during school was met with the corporal punishment.

Maybe she was blessed to have her parents come around, who were both very caring and were wonderful parents, but that was such a rare occasion.

For the first time, she realized that throughout her childhood, she was rather  _lonely_.

_The spirit of her mother would flood through her though… Maybe she could occupy herself with that._

* * *

_(a few days later, after registration)_

"Hey, you, wake up!"

Bláithín awoke with a fright to find a bespectacled brunette was hovering over her, shaking her by the shoulders. She squinted her eyes and braced the weight to her elbows.

"You don't want to be late for our first day of circuit training." She warned.

"Hange, it's raining outside. Are we really going to be training outside?" All the girls stared up at her in shock for asking such a question. "Was that a… stupid questions?"

"You betcha! Come on, Bláithín. I see this as team-bonding, whaddya say?"

"Okay, fine." Bláithín said hopping out of bed.

She followed Hange down to the Mess Hall to grab something to eat quickly. She was still adjusting to her once glamorous lifestyle to living as a cadet. She knew to accept what came and to be grateful for everything she got but the early mornings were a killer for her.

She sat down after grabbing some fruit, a slice of bread and a pitcher of water. Hange sat down across from her and made conversation. This was Bláithín's forte above all else in life - she was always told to have good table manners especially when she was called to go to banquets for special occasions wherein all the family was invited.

"You were looking so down recently… I suppose a lot would be if they feel homesick though. Where do you come from?"

Bláithín looked up at her and smiled weakly. "I am probably the only one here who is from Mitras. It's such a different lifestyle to what I'm used to, but the sense of community among people who have only been here for a few days… it's very nice. We're hall here for the same reason, or something very similar."

Hange stared at her. "You are definitely a rarer case from what I have heard, but I'm sure humanity would accept new soldiers regardless of their background."

She had a point.

In this new chapter of her life, no one knew her. She didn't have to act like she was eating dinner with her family, she didn't have to make sure she looked like the 'gem' she was often referred to.

_Sugar and spice,_

_And **everything**  nice._

That is what little girls are made of.

A young lady as she were, she would learn poetry over philosophy. And she would learn embroidery, not self-defence as per what her father taught her. Dancing was for ladies, chess and droughts were a no-no. To be as innocent and as sweet as an angle, that's what it meant to be a lady - these principles were instilled into all young ladies of Mitras.

Now she was free - to an extent - from these patriarchal ideals that were constructed the upper class society. After all, she was here to avenge her parents and feel the freedom they felt. By the walls, she didn't have to keep her silky blonde hair up in a pristinely neat bun anymore!

"We all want to be freed from the oppression of the Titans. I was always a little different…" Hange mused to herself. "I want to learn more about the Titans. My parents don't support me, but every person who helps will make a difference I believe. To be able to go beyond the Walls, stare up at the sky and get lost in it… that is a goal for us all to work for."

The sky, huh?

Imagine what it would be like to fly free from it all. From everything. From orders, from obligations, from life's misery.

_Fly, fly, fly._

In the Survey Corps, that was what the soldiers did, right? They flew, into war against the titans, but flying through the clean air was certainly far better than living inside the Walls with the decaying spell that enshrouded them.

Bláithín looked behind her when she heard a bell indicating the hour in which cadets could get breakfast had drawn to a close.

* * *

After training was done, the official bedrooms had been assigned. Up until now, it was a matter of finding a bed that was free. Now, bedrooms only had around a maximum of six people per room. You'd often find a few fabric partitions to indicate males and females shared.

Rooms were organised and boarders were assigned as per skill they possessed. Not that the boarders mattered, they were collectively all seen as 'Titan fodder' in the instructors' eyes.

Bláithín walked into her assigned room along with three other soldiers following her. The room was... tiny, but this was expected though. It's not like she had her four-post bed anymore. It smelled of fresh linen, the sheets must have been washed recently. Candles sat on the bed-side lockers for late-night reading.

She slowly made her way over to a bed when she heard someone tall approach her.

"Can I help you?" she asked before turning around on her heel. Her jaw dropped when the taller and seemingly older male leaned down and inhaled some whatever scent he could get from her. "A-ah-!"

"Mike. Don't do that," Hange chided before she sat down on a bed opposite to Bláithín. "That's Mike by the way."

"That's Hange, by the way," the tall male said, perfectly imitating her voice.

Bláithín could only watch with a corked a brow, shaking her head a small bit. She scanned the room before seeing another tall male turning them on. Upon feeling her rather supple gaze boring into the back of him, he turned around on his heel.

"Ah, hi," he breathed, a mere crack of a smile plastering over his lips. "The name's Erwin, Erwin Smith." The blond male introduced.

Bláithín nodded before averting her eyes all the while rubbing her forearm. She heaved a sigh as she watched Hange and Mike squabble over something...frivolous most likely. She gazed back, and up, at Erwin again. "Hi, it's Bláithín Hahn..Do they fight often or-?"

"No, well, yes, but they get along, believe me," he assured. Erwin wordlessly excused himself and separated the two from each other, ignoring Hange's 'but he started it!'

Bláithín's lips quivered, brows arched in bewilderment. The sight of two people fighting so rambunctiously was so foreign to her. It was like a culture-shock within her own country.

"Hey, Bláithín!" Hange called out.

Bláithín glanced at her, smiling politely. "Yeah?"

"Pick a bed, this is one of the fun parts of being in the Trainee Corps for the first time. Then it kind of sucks then on..." she murmured, twiddling with a strand of hair.

She did have some kind of point in that sense. Bláithín shrugged before walking over to the bed in the corner of the room that was closest to the window. Peering out the window, she could see all of her future colleagues being shoved, literally, inside the door. Bláithín corked a brow before sighing. She eventually eased into the springy mattress before saying, "This one's mine."

She bounced on top of it, rocking her hips up and down to get a feel for it. Sure, it wasn't comfy. It would have to do.

It's not like being a cadet or soldier was comfortable either. She wondered if people lived ' _normal_ ' lives here, with their ' _normal_ ' families. That would be something she would have to discover herself. She was in Trost now, life was far different here than the life she lived up in Mitras.

"That's fine, I didn't like the smell of that one..." Mike muttered, frankly, interrupting her introspection. He bent down to spell her bed again. "Yeah, definitely don't like it."

This was met with a slap into the forearm by the bespectacled young woman. "Mike! Yeah, he has this weird quirk that he smells people for the first time he meets them," she began. She paused, motioning towards the cocky smirk that plasters over his lips when he takes his nose away.

"Then smirks, but I doubt he's trying to be offensive. I'm sure some of people may find it weird."

Bláithín's mouth hung open as she tried to comprehend everything. ' _They all seem nice, though..._ ' she noted before nonchalantly shrugging. Everyone has their own quirks. "I understand." She muttered, scratching the hair behind her ear.

"Hate to break this 'moment' but we were expected to put on our new uniforms now," the blond male informed. His sea blue eyes motioned towards the chest of drawers, presumably containing all of their new clothes. "Shortly after, 3DMG training begins. Apparently, it's quite hard."

Bláithín stood up, patted the spot she was originally sitting and ambled over to the chest of drawers and grabbed the first pair of pants and military jacket she set her eyes on. She pivoted around on her heel again, sighing when she realized Erwin was behind her, waiting to get a uniform. She handed one back to him and then went into the bathroom to change. Again, the ruckus ensued once she was no longer in the room; maybe they were waiting for her to leave.

She came out again, dressed and looked at Mike and Hange 'sparring' with pillows and sighed.

This was her new life.

It would take getting used to and it was certainly going to be very hard to adjust.

That's  _normal_ , though, right? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, PLEASE comment - they keep me alive and motivated! :') I know you are all probably just hanging around until Levi comes along - which should be soon - but I need to establish the reader's character first, you know? I hope you are liking the reader's character so far? Let me know what you think, if you have formed any opinions based on this one chapter, lol


	5. 4. Perfection

"It is vital that you evenly distribute your weight all around your body. You almost have it, Bláithín," Erwin told her. "It doesn't help that you probably never had to do much physical exercise before given the place you come from."

It was sundown. Shades of yellow and orange bled into the once blue sky, cirrus clouds providing a bit of shelter from the rock-splitting heat. Sweat beaded the twelve year old Bláithín's brows as she struggled to keep her balance with the 3DMG. She wasn't the only one to struggle with it though, Erwin found it hard but eventually got it, and hence why he was out here trying to help her. He at least knew first hand and got over any issues with balance.

Bláithín shifted her weight from side to side as she tried to find the optimum position. She tensed whatever muscles she had in her abdomen to still herself steady and pulled her legs in from when they had been previously separated as though she was doing a star-jump mid-air. And by the grace of the three goddesses themselves, the wiggling stopped and the belt stopped moving around in circles.

"Ugh, finally," she sighed with relief.

Erwin removed her from suspended gears and they walked back to the dorm they had been staying in until now.

"Uh… thanks for the help back there, I must admit I'm a bit embarrassed I couldn't grasp this concept sooner. I'd be useless out in the open." She said, softly. She averted from her gaze from the log-cabins where the dorms were and looked up into the sky.

She saw a bird flying by itself.

"A wren," she noted. "You can tell by its cry."

The clouds had cleared now and she saw the beautiful sunset, blotches of reds and purples, mixed with blues and oranges. Her eyes lit up at the sight of this masterpiece that nature had created before them. The bird chirped happily once it found its nest in a tree nearby, its beak carrying a few worms for its babies.

"That'd be nice, being that free..."

Erwin looked up with her and sighed.

"You get so distracted by everything around you… I believe it is important to separate yourself from what isn't important and what truly is."

Erwin was a smart guy, maybe six years older than her. He motivated everyone around him and many looked up to him regardless of their age. Bláithín really saw the potential in him to be a commander of one of the regiments. He had not only the mentality but also the skill to be within the top ten. Only the top ten could go on and be a part of the Military Police and join the other soldiers living in Mitras, Wall Sine, humanity's last line of defence.

"It is important to push your own wants and needs aside before you try help those around you in a military-based environment. It's the only way you can push forward." He spoke, coldly.

He was right and he wasn't just talking about some random bird that she noticed in the sky. In actuality, he was referring to the fact at how consumed she was by her parents' death. That was only natural of course. To her, grief was a part of life she had not come to experience just yet and signing up to the Corps meant Death himself would be a life-long companion of hers. One that would hold her hands and pulling her into his clutches, or her loved ones.

Normally, soldiers would channel their grief and turn it into something else, something fierce and use it to avenge their fallen family members or comrades. Bláithín was struggling with this, though. Life just so happened to play out this way and it was changing too fast for her to cope. She never anticipated joining the Training Corps, not at all…

It just so happened that she ended up here one morning.

She remembered that her back was very sore from the cart she and a few others were taken in.

It was too much for her… She wasn't coping well at all. Hange was there to comfort her when the thought of dying during training or the overwhelming amounts of sadness she had been feeling during the past week or so. She knew Hange and her were going to be close at the end of these three years.

She refused to go back, not to her uncle's. He got rid of her once - who was to say he wouldn't do it again?

She huffed a heavy sigh of defeat.

"And what made you join the training corps?"

"My father, he was a teacher… one day when I was about your age, he told me his theory behind the Walls and the Titans. His goal was freedom, to know what is truly right and wrong about our world. Then one day… He never returned home…"

Bláithín knew he was only telling half of the story, probably to spare him. She understood, even a young man as resolved as him had demons to haunt him.

What set these two apart was how Erwin was able to push this aside for the sake of his goals: humanity's freedom. And for now, Bláithín was in no way capable of doing that.

Would she ever be? Hard to say…

Truth be told, Bláithín was far too afraid to put her life on the line, for now at least. Though if push came to shove and a loved one was at the brink of death at the hands of those man-eating beasts, then of course. Otherwise, she wouldn't.

She was  _selfish_.

But who could blame her? She grew up in an environment where everyone around her pushed their own selfish agendas above her own. She thought of the lessons her mother taught her and Elise though. To be mindful of everyone around them and to consider the needs of others before your own. That's what it meant to be a  _good_ person.

 _A good person_ , she repeated to herself.

She always tried to be a good person. She helped out around the house, right? That was good, wasn't it? She would always do her homework. She was always happy to meet guests who visited her house. Everything she did… it was always ' _good_.'

If she was such a  _good_  person, then why was she sent off to Shiganshina in the first place? Did her uncle not think she was ' _good_ ' enough. She always tried her best to be ever-so perfect. Was she ever  _bold_  and that's why she was sent away? She couldn't recall a moment where she ever misbehaved; she couldn't recall a moment when she wasn't a ' _good person_ '. Everything to her was always polarized; everything was either  _good_  or  _bad_ ,  _perfect_  or a  _failure_. Middle ground or any grey area was no option. She always tried to be  _perfect_ , she tried to be  _good_. At one point in her life, maybe she was just a hair out of place, at this point she was only 'almost' perfect.

 _Almost isn't good enough_ , she told herself. _I don't want to be 'a hair out of place', I won't accept that._

Just what would have happened had she stayed in Shiganshina?

People in Wall Rose and Wall Sine often described the Shiganshina District as humanity's first line of defence. It was the most southerly wall, so Titans were more than likely going to attack first and attempt to break through. That, of course, was unlikely, as the wall was fifty metres high. Though suppose something happened, and Titans went on a stampede and laid waste to the innocent citizens within that district… she would have been one of them. She'd be crushed underneath one of their feet or shoved down their putrescent gullets along with countless others. Why would her uncle send her there?

 _No, it can't be_ , she said to herself, eyes widening.

Did her purposely want to send her there to be killed? Why on earth would he wanted that?

In this world, and Bláithín failed to realize this coming from a totally sheltered lifestyle… good  _and_  bad people were going to die. Some quicker than others. Were the  _good_ people going to live longer? Not necessarily. Were the  _bad_ people going to die quicker? Equally as unlikely. People were going to die, good or bad.

Why would he want her killed? It didn't make sense, but she did start to put two and two together.

He must have wanted her dead for a while, perhaps from the very start…? It made sense since he never showed any affection around her (or Elise), had bad temper, physical abuse was often punishment for something very, very insignificant. And to top it all off, attempting to send her to an early death. The question that remain was why…  _why, why, **why.**_

The answer, whether Bláithín was going to realize this or not at a later date, was that maybe…  ** _she was an unfortunate mistake_**. A mistake to her uncle, at least. To her mother who showed her an abundance of love? Probably not.

"Hey, Bláithín," Erwin said, interrupting her amidst her introspection. He could tell she was thinking too deeply again, judging on how wide her eyes had gotten, "just… don't think too much, yeah? That will kill you in some way or another."

**(time skip from 838-844)**

And so, over the years, she continued to be a ' _good_ ' person. She continued to be ' _perfect_ ', because in everyone else's eyes, or she thought - if she wasn't perfect, she wasn't necessary. That nobody would  _need_  her, nobody would  _want_  her; nobody would want to be  _associated_  with her.

She cared deeply for everyone as she always did, but deep inside her festered a burning desire for utter perfection and it was always met without fail. She would work for it, strive for it. She didn't want to be seen as a mistake, even though over the years, her conscious desperately tried to convince her she was one. From time to time though, she also thought that provided that she strived for perfection but lost her life to this mental battle… it didn't matter, not at all, as long as nobody disliked her.

Because she was so damned annoyed by the thought of being disliked all throughout her life by her wretched uncle… she was aching for affection.

Her patience with a mental battle such as this was wearing thin, and she was exhausted… if she closed her eyes one day outside the walls having done something valiant, something people would thank her for such as protecting her own squad… then it'd be okay.

Oh, but the thoughts within her mind contradicted her. She did not want to die, not at all. She feared death like the plague. She would put her life on the line, recklessly at that, if it meant people saw the good in her. If she died in the process, then it's fine.

She was still 'selfish.' She still had a sense of self-worth, she feared death in a profession where death and life walk hand-in-hand.

She would talk to herself in the mirror as she brushed her dark blonde hair that fell below her shoulder blades, her blue, oceanic eyes shining radiantly once she convinced herself to go out once again and strive for perfection. Only then, was she ever ready to go.

Normally her day consisted of training her two soldiers, doing reports in her bedroom

One day, the squad leader was called in to Commander Shadis' office.

"Sit, Bláithín." He gestured towards the chair and she did as she was told. "I have received some reports from the commander of the Military Police, Nile Dok and also from Darius Zackley… It appears there is a lot of trouble down in the Underground District. They are low on numbers at the moment and they need help dealing with the mercenaries down below."

Bláithín nodded, not saying a word. "And who would be responsible for them?"

Shadis was desperate for new numbers for the scouts all the time, so Bláithín knew instantly he planned on turning them into soldiers. "Yourself. Your squad is the smallest of all squad leaders, with only two soldiers and one has resigned due to a debilitating injury. So it would make total sense to give you these soldiers. Can I entrust you with this responsibility to take on three new soldiers?" He asked, handing over documents of sketches that must have resembled them. Two males and a female.

She stood up and saluted. "Yes, sir. I'll do it."


	6. 5. The Underground Trio

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, Levi's arrived and has made an entrance!

Thanks to the guest for pointing that out Erwin and Bláithín were roaming the underground because there was word of some trouble that had been bubbling away in the Underground District. Plus, this trouble was going to be her squad, whether she liked it or not. She was going to give them the benefit of the doubt though - maybe a trio of thugs would treat her nicely?

Pretty unlikely, though.

She and Erwin walked down the alleyway that descended into the stairwell. Bláithín hadn't forgotten what it was like down here when she fled here with no where else to go. Her eyebrows furrowed at the sight.

People down here suffered so much, and lack of sunlight was a major problem based on what she had heard from up above. Eventually their bones would weaken over time and would no longer be able to walk. Citizens down here sat down constantly when their legs wouldn't let them get up anymore.

It stunk like a cistern down there due to people dumping waste wherever. There were mini stalactites hanging from the top and there were little holes on the surface that let the dim rays of sunlight shine down. The houses down here were nothing more than mud houses with windows carved into them.

Down here, it was disgusting, rotten and utterly vile. Nothing good ever came out of it. It wasn't a sight for the squeamish to behold. People's bodies lay about unclaimed for days on end, waiting for Death to come and put an end to their misery.

In the corner were people gambling for money, alcohol and drugs. They all had to be drunk on something to survive down here, but then again, all humans latched onto something to survive in a world where despair was bountiful. Similar to outside of the Walls, the Underground was an absolute and perfect example of 'survival of the fittest.'

"It's so horrible down here, I don't think you could ever get used to it." She said to him. The two Squad Leaders continued to walk through the Underground, when there was a bit of commotion to be heard up ahead amongst the looming criminals. They both looked at each other and started to adjust their gear. They ran up and pushed the citizens that started making a crowd aside. Ogling wasn't going to make the commotion die down.

Based on what she just saw, the group of thugs they were after had bust through a stack of crates holding possessions that may have been smuggled down from above. With the crates broken, their contents spilled out onto the ground which opened the opportunity for other mercenaries to steal. Once the crates had been knocked over, a thug that was short in height bashed into a merchant before propelling himself into the air again.

" _ **AUGH**_! THAT HURT! OWW!  _OWW_! Oi! Hold it right there!" someone exclaimed.

Bláithín heaved a sigh. I guess that's our cue, she said to herself. She reluctantly picked up her pace once told to by the blond male beside her. Erwin and herself shot their grappling hooks into the air and followed the trio at a leisurely pace. The MPs hovered in front of them too but Erwin, and [F/n] were called in to subdue them and capture.

"OI! YOU! SHORTY OVER THERE! AREN'T YOU GOING TO EXCUSE YOURSELF AFTER BUMPING INTO ME?!" the man continued. "ARE YOU DEAF, SHORTY!?"

"You guys better stop, they're-," a man tried to reason but got thwarted.

"Hey! Are you askin' for a hole in yer head?!" the man threatened.

The squabbling continued. This is something that happened on a regular basis. The short man, around 5'3 stopped dead in his tracks and reached inside his pocket and everything fell quiet and you could hear the short man's friends talking.

"We don't have time for this bullcrap," said the brown haired man.

"Well...but isn't this perfect timing for a warm-up before training?" the red haired lady asked.

Suddenly, there was a click.

The short man or their leader sharply pivoted around and took out his gun and fired. There was a small breeze which blew up the man's poncho and to Bláithín's surprise, he was wearing a 3DMG. Just where did he get his hands on that? The bullet flew as fast as lightning, and was millimeters away from the grazing the man's head.

Instead, it crashed into some barrels that were containing some fluids, possible the limited supply of clean water.

The leader of the group went to go in and kill the man who ticked him off by attempting to pierce him with his grappling hooks.

"SHIT!"

His opponent went to shoot with his gun, when the man ascended into the air with his 3DMG and landed, stomping on one of the man's friends hard into his gut. The man he took down just there was bald and was very imposing in height, possible taller than 6'2 Erwin.

"Oi...Next is the giant," Levi breathed.

"Heh, heh! That was a waste of time. I'm taking the high route," the red haired lady, Isabel, stated.

Erwin glanced up at the short man, who had raven black hair and whose bangs hanging over his temples. It was almost as if his gaze was enough to make him stop mid-air. The raven haired man looked back at Erwin and noticed the Wings of Liberty insignia on his breast pocket and just one word crossed his mind: 'Shit'. Erwin held some ambitious and determined smile about him.

Erwin and Bláithín began to follow the trio as they created quite a ruckus amongst the civilians of the Underground District, zipping in and through them on their 3D Manoeuvre Gear.

"You damn thugs!" an old man cried after being knocked over.

Erwin and Bláithín were around twenty metres behind them, continuing to pursue them as fast as they could. Given that they weren't so far away, the veteran scouts could hear everything they were saying. The short, jet black-haired man suddenly took a sharp turn mid-air before piercing the pillar of a jagged wall with his grappling hook. Just enough time for Erwin and Bláithín to get the upper hand and catch up with them. The red haired lady looked back with a wide grin, making her teeth visible before letting out a whistle.

"THEY AIN'T HALF BAD!" she chimed. The short man scowled at her sudden cheerful outburst.

"That's the Recon Corps for you," said the leader of their group.

"The Recon Corps? Are you certain!?" replied his other brown haired friend.

"I saw the crest on their backs as I was passing by. It was The Wings of Freedom," he replied.

"The Recon Corps are those guys who go outside the walls and actually fight titans, right? Wow, I guess guys who've been trained with experience with actual combat are a whole other deal, huh, Levi?" his male friend replied.

 _Levi... Huh_ , Bláithín noted to herself.

"I have no intention of getting involved with them. But now that it's come to this, it won't be easy to shake them off," Levi stated.

"I won't lose! I'll make every damn one of 'em cry!" the red-haired lady piped, presumptuously.

Levi said something that wasn't completely audible so the red-haired lady said it out loud. "As long as we don't get captured!"

"If you say so."

"You guys know what to do, right?" Levi asked.

"Yeps!" replied the girl.

"Sure, whatever," came the other male's voice.

And with that, the three zipped off in different directions. Bláithín and Erwin both heaved audible sighs of annoyance and frustration.

"Alright, I'm taking the black haired man. I know you're more than capable of handling the other two. The leader's intriguing, I'll go after him." Erwin told her.

"Sure." She said back to him. Bláithín decided to go after the girl first.

"You can't catch me!" she boasted.

The girl zipped around a huge stalactite and once around, she launched her grappling hooks in Bláithín's direction. This was a huge opportunity but dangerous at the same time. As the hook flew through the air, about to impale her, she simply hovered in the same place and used her reflexes and caught her rope and pulled her back forcefully. As far as people her age went, she was as light as a feather, and took little or no effort to pull her back. As she hovered, the girl scowled up at her like a defeatist. "I just did." She whispered to her.

"Bitch..! Let me go, now!" she screamed.

"ISABEL!" her male friend shouted. Being the noble person he must be, he immediately zipped back to the sound of her voice. "Aw, crap! Isabel!" he whined.

"It's not my fault, Farlan, they're actually kind of good..." she replied.

Bláithín took a pensive moment, eyeing the two people before her. "Come here." She ordered. Farlan shamefully zipped over to her, his head hung low. She grabbed his arm, and Isabel's rope, and gently landed, to avoid extra grief.

"Show me your hands," she ordered to the brown haired male. Farlan laid his hands out, keeping them there, while she tied Isabel's rope to her belt, earning an annoyed from her. She handcuffed his hands, only realizing one finished that she only had one pair. "Right..." she sighed. She undid Isabel's rope from her belt, still holding it, and swung her over her shoulder, and kicked Farlan forward to the commotion being created by Levi's confrontation with Erwin and Mike.

After a few moments of walking later, she came across Levi and Erwin approaching him. She arrived at the point where Levi leaned in to throw a powerful fist at Erwin. Erwin gritted his teeth in frustration. Erwin kicked Levi away from him.

"STOP!" Erwin shouted upon noticed Bláithín had arrived. "Take a good look around you!" he told him.

Levi's rage momentarily subsided when he saw Bláithín kicking Farlan forward and Isabel swung over her shoulder. His gaze softened upon seeing the female veteran come closer; he recognized her instantly. She had grown since then, if he had to estimate she was now a good three inches taller than him and he could tell she had grown into a formidable soldier.

Whether he wanted to admit it to her or not, he felt sorry for her that day. He never held much regard for the greedy pigs that lived in the interior but he knew by her face that day - the day he left her in another soldier's care before he took her to the military base - that she had been stripped of everything she had ever had.

He wasn't going to show much sympathy to her now though - just look at what she managed to accomplish? Within minutes, she subdued his companions and had them at her mercy. She could have done anything she wanted to them - beat them, kick them or whatever else - but he could tell that it probably wasn't within her nature.

"Lemme go! You little-!" Isabel piped, squirming about like a bag of worms, but Bláithín cut across her.

"Erwin, are you alright?" Bláithín asked him.

"Don't waste all your energy, Isabel." Farlan told her.

Bláithín walked over and forced Farlan to kneel, and let go of her grip on Isabel. She walked over in Erwin's direction when she noticed Levi had given her one of the foulest glares ever imaginable.

"I'm fine. Good work in capturing them both," Erwin replied and averted his eyes to Levi. "I'm going to ask you a few questions. First, where did you obtain these?" he asked him, referring to the 3DMG.

"..."

"..."

"Your 3D Manoeuver Gear skills are also remarkable. Where did you learn how to do that?" he asked them.

"..."

"..."

Erwin stepped closer to Levi. "You're the leader of this group, correct? Have you ever received military training?" he asked him. Levi looked right into his deep sea blue eyes with his steel blue ones. His eyebrows were furrowed and had also glared at him, but for some odd reason, it was not nearly as bad as Bláithín's. "Your face is telling me that you're plotting how to best kill us and escape, right?". He paused and glance over at Bláithín. He clicked his tongue and scoffed.

"If possible I didn't want to be too rough, but..." he began to say before motioning over to his colleague. Bláithín nodded and obeyed - Erwin was next in line to be commander as she had predicted years before, she was to do what he was told. Obeying orders is good, she always told herself. She walked up close to Levi and ruffled his hair, and Levi gritted his teeth out of pure hatred, before shoving him into a filthy puddle.

Levi was quite mistaken. There was no hesitation in her moves at all and he had to admit he didn't expect the sharp pain to come from his neck.

"Guh-!" came Levi's response. "You  _fucking_  bitch…" he growled, seething. His eyes were burning with rage as he glared back at her, spitting out the dirty water from his mouth.

"Let me ask you one more time..." Erwin began. "Where did you learn 3D Manoeuvers?"

Bláithín turned his head up to face him, but not too roughly, so his complete attention was on Erwin.. The two stared deeply into each other's eyes, Levi waiting to be let go of and Erwin waiting for an answer.

"We didn't learn from anyone! Get off your high horse, mister public servant!" Isabel yelled in his defence.

"We picked up these skills in order to survive this dump. Someone like you - who doesn't know the taste of sewer water - wouldn't understand!" Farlan added.

"My name is Erwin Smith", he stated, "what is yours?"

"..."

"Hey now, listen. We certainly don't have the time to play games. I'm telling you now you don't stand a chance against us two." Bláithín warned, and shoved his face into the puddle once again. She grabbed him by the hair after a few moments of him taking in the bacteria of sewage and sludge that the puddle had to offer. She could tell that he was probably equally as angry as getting dirtied as he was getting caught. He inhaled sharply.

"Ugh..!" he wheezed,

"I admire your spirit, but if you keep this up we'll have to get your comrades involved." Erwin warned.

Bláithín stepped back from Levi and to the two friends of his, and turned them to face a pipe that had sewer water gushing out of it.

"IF YOU'RE GOING TO DO IT, JUST DO IT ALREADY!" Isabel shouted.

Now it was Erwin's turn to grab him by the hair. He knelt down before him, "My name is Erwin Smith."

"You  _bastard_..." Levi hissed, spitefully. Dirty sewer water dripped down his face. His teeth were gnashed together in spite and utter rage.

"Your name?" Erwin questioned.

"...It's Levi," he told him through his gritted teeth.

Erwin knelt down in the puddle to get a better look of him. "Levi. Won't you strike a deal with me?"

"A deal...?"

"I won't ask what crimes you've committed. In return, you'll lend me your strength. Join the Recon

Corps." He told him.

"And if I refuse?"

"I'll leave you under the Military Police's responsibility. In the first place, considering all the crimes on your record, you getting off easy is out of question. However, your friends won't be able to hope for decent treatment, either. Choose whichever you'll prefer." He told him.

Levi glanced over at his friend Farlan, whose neck could be slit with Bláithín's blade at any moment. He looked up at Bláithín for a few seconds, and once gritting his teeth and hissing a sigh at her, he turned back.

"I'll take it. I'll join the Recon Corps." He said.

* * *

Levi Ackerman, Farlan Church and Isabel Magnolia were eventually taken inside, once the soldier gave word to the Commander that Erwin and Bláithín had arrived back with the thugs. They were taken to a spare room.

Bláithín was the first person to be asked to go in and greet them. It was the right thing to do, after all, she wanted them to be comfortable around her. Of course, it would take a lot of effort to have any good relationship with them. It was an arduous and seemingly impossible task to try bond with them, similar to that of dragging blood from a stone.

The stiff knob twisted clockwise and the door swung open making a slam. Isabel and Farlan looked up to see it was her: the soldier who practically submerged Levi's head into the puddle and threatened them to drink sewer waters.

"Hey." She said simply.

"Ah-!" Isabel piped, standing up abruptly and immediately getting into a fighting stance.

"Isabel, there's no need for that." Bláithín said to her.

"Isabel, sit down." Farlan told her.

"It's not my fault the mad woman is here!"

The blonde pretended she never heard that. "Uh, yeah, hi. My name is Bláithín Hahn and I'm a squad leader here. I've been told that I'm getting a squad, which is going to consist of you three.. You'll be getting your uniforms soon." She said simply.

There were three cups of tea on the small table in the middle of the room. Levi happened to be drinking from one of them. Bláithín corked a brow upon noticing Levi's method of drinking it. He didn't hold it by the handle, instead his entire hand circled it and had a tiger's claw like grip as he slurped from it. He noticed she was looking at her.

"Tch, what the hell is it you want?" he spat.

Bláithín sighed. "There's no need to talk to me like that," she lectured, trying to remain as patient as ever. "Keep it up and I'll have you clean out  _all_  of the women's rag bins."

Levi quickly leaned back and averted her eyes, saying nothing more; cleaning up women's menstrual rags was not something he fancied doing after just arriving.

"Oh, Isabel? I forgot to mention. You're wanted. I have no idea why, though." She stated. Bláithín gestured towards the door, indicating whoever wanted her was waiting outside.

"Mm-kay," she chirped, merrily.

Bláithín and Isabel left the room.

 _What have I gotten myself into_ , she asked herself.


	7. 6. Unexpected Reunion

t had most certainly occurred to Bláithín by now that Levi had quite a problem with controlling that vulgar tongue of his. His language was…  _colourful_ , to put it nicely. Of course, Bláithín had no problem with assigning him the punishment she mentioned last time.

Cleaning the women's rag bins.

He went into all of the female dorms (he had the courtesy to knock) and emptied their bin into the basket Bláithín had assigned him. The girls would look at him and scoff and he'd only glare at them. He wasn't well liked by many people so far, and his reputation of being uncontrollable spread throughout.

"Ehhh, why is he going through our bin?" he heard a girl whisper.

"Don't you know? That's squad leader Bláithín's typical punishment whenever past male soldiers were acting out of line."

The girls laughed at him when they saw him wearing a cleaning mask, gloves and the spray of disinfectant for either his hands or the bin (possibly both.) He only rolled his eyes and left them alone. He left the basket where he was instructed - in the Mess Hall near the bins - and walked back to his dorm that he shared with Isabel and Farlan. Well, Isabel technically was not allowed to be there as she was a girl, but she had the tendency to sneak out of her own dorm with the females.

None of them were particularly impressed by their welcome; they were slagged, looked down upon, Isabel's hair was chopped shorter much to her displeasure. In the Corps' defence, though, they weren't exactly going to be hosting any kind of welcoming party for a bunch of thugs who had criminal records as large as the Walls themselves! At the same time, Bláithín took it upon herself to make sure they were treated with respect if they treated others with respect…

Which didn't really happen too often… Hence why Levi, this time, was punished.

"When's the next expedition? I'm so  _done_ with this shithole." Levi grumbled.

Isabel and Farlan perked up and snickered once they realized he was finished.

"Based on what I've heard from my nightly snoops by the drawing room, because of Lobov's actions, the Scout Regiment doesn't have the funding to go on expeditions," Farlan answered, "so lucky for you,  _Levi_ , we're all stuck with Bláithín a while longer."

Levi rolled his eyes. "Tch, that  _bitch_. I hope I don't have to see her stupid face for the rest of today." He said, lying down onto his mattress after removing his face mask.

Isabel made a sound akin to a squeak when there was a knock on the door. Speak of the devil.

The door opened and Bláithín walked in. The trio were surprised to see her wearing a dress. It was white, with a blouse-like upper half and a ribbon tied above her waist. Her shimmering blonde hair was tied up into an up-do, unveiling her sapphire eyes. "Oh, Levi. I see you're finished. I wanted you to have finished your task before I gave you the news: today we have a day off."

"Oh, why?" Farlan asked.

"Beats me, but I won't question it and I'll savour it while I can. I'm going to head into Trost to get a few things, do any of you want to come?"

Farlan shook his head but Isabel practically skipped out the door, a look of surprise making its way onto Bláithín's face. Levi groaned.

"Isabel, stay here. What if you get lost?" Levi complained.

"She won't," Bláithín assured. She was more than used to watching over someone. She sometimes walked through the streets of Mitras with Elise by her side. "I'm more than capable of babysitting someone."

"Tch." He spat and turned his back to her.

Bláithín sighed heavily, but she was patient; his attitude would not get to her too much. He had just been captured only over a week ago. Give him time, he may come around eventually, she told herself. Even if he didn't, this isn't the first defiant soldier she had under her wing - they didn't deter her either. Levi hasn't had an easy life all the same, the poor guy was always on defensive mode, probably.

"Is there anything I can get you, Farlan? Levi?" she asked, politely.

Farlan shook his head. "I'm good, Bláithín!" he replied, saluting her, albeit correctly. It appeared his hand was upside down. She made a mental note to correct that.

"Levi?" she asked again. She heard him mumble something under his breath. She shook her head, dismissing him. She and Isabel began to walk away when Bláithín leaned over to her and asked, "What would he like?"

Isabel knew instantly. " _Tea_."

* * *

Bláithín and Isabel took to the streets of Trost.

The sun shone today and it seemed to be putting everyone in a good mood. The sun was still considered a 'foreign object' to Isabel, so to speak. She often shielded her face from its glorious yet blinding rays.

Since it was noon, the market roared with rage for it now was awake from its peaceful slumber. The shops were stuffed and street vendors made the street extremely narrow forcing people to walk in a single file. Large tattered wagons decorated with a kaleidoscope of vegetable were parked beside the street and their owners stood beside them screaming prices like auctioneers; it was odd seeing that had a carrot in hand clear the area of the flies that pointlessly danced around the vegetables.

"Squad Leader, where are we going?" She asked.

Isabel at least had the decency to be far more polite in public, she knew not to make a scene - Levi was quite great at that.

"Oh, in public, you can just call me Bláithín. It's only on expeditions or in HQ where you should address me as that. But we are just looking around today, I was given a shopping list too by Commander Shadis."

On the list was bread, various fruits and vegetables, some cheeses and of course - a soldier's favourite - alcohol.

Isabel looked around and noted the differences she saw between buying food up here compared to the Underground District. For starters, there was an abundance of food to be sold. She heard there were food shortages above ground too, but it was nothing compared to living down below, going days without food and clean water. At least up here, everyone was bound to get some food, at least. The sight of people purchasing food up here made her stomach growl.

Most people had sinful and wandering eyes when it came to people they were interested; for Isabel, it must have been food. Bláithín caught sight of her greedy hand and smacked it away.

"Unless you want your criminal record being exposed of up here, I would suggest not stealing. We're almost finished now, just a few more things."

"But I'm fading  _awaaay_!" she cried.

"You'll survive thirty more minutes, I'm sure."

Bláithín and Isabel continued to walk around until the squad leader discovered a herbalist. She thought back to the stubborn, uncontrollable young man she was in charge of. She was a good six years younger than him, of course he wasn't going to take her seriously. An eighteen year old squad leader who was once raised in Sine versus a twenty-four year old male who has lived in poverty his whole life and was well acquainted with tragedy.

She had noticed the violet shadows under his eyes, indicating a lack of sleep. He was a young man yet wrinkles had clearly been stabbed into his brows of youth already.

"Hi!" she greeted the vendor cheerfully, "can I take some chamomile and some black tea leaves, please?"

"Sure thing!"

Bláithín handed over a few coins and the saleswoman prepared a package for her. Isabel looked at her and smiled a toothy grin. "Oh, Big Bro really loves black tea! You should get more!"

"Oh, please," she scoffed, "I'll wait until he treats me with more respect first."

Bláithín and Isabel took off to the streets again, having bought everything she needed. Isabel looked up at the taller squad leader. She really appeared to care about them already. She recalled back to the day they were all kidnapped and how rough she had been then; she was rough because she was ordered to do so. Was she actually rough in nature?

Not at all.

She was motherly, definitely. She wanted the best for them, perhaps? Even now, Isabel felt like she was wandering behind the mother she never really had.

"Isabel? I understand you're upset about having your hair being cut short against your will," she began. And Isabel's face instantly turned sour once again and she rolled her eyes. "I had no idea that was going to happen, but let me make it up to you."

Isabel looked at her with a foul gaze until she felt something being placed in her hair. A ribbon that had a clip on the back. Isabel's heart fluttered a tiny a bit at the kind gesture. The ribbon was velvety and white.

 _White_ , for  _innocence_.

Bláithín could tell she appreciated it but she wasn't going to make her speak.

The walk back to the headquarters was quiet, but not tense by any means. They walked through the main door and Isabel went off to her room. Bláithín saw lady with a baby in her arms talking to her commander.

"Oh, there she is," Keith stated, "Bláithín, this lady wishes to speak to you, she said she's been meaning to talk to you for a while."

She walked over and her face fell, jaw slacked, once she saw who the woman was. She looked a little bit haggard but smiled upon seeing Bláithín, her baby wiggling around in her arms. The squad leader shook her head in disbelief - she was so young, how could she have fallen pregnant?

" _Elise…?_ " she asked.

* * *

Bláithín didn't put it past her uncle, Sven, to send his two children - whom he was to mind - away. The two sat outside the headquarters on a bench. Bláithín was still in utter shock though. How could he send them both away? She knew that she must have been sent away for a different reason.

"Who's the father?" she asked.

"My husband… Uncle set me up with a man, who was far older than I. I don't necessarily hate the man, he's a nice guy. That being said, I don't love him either…" she replied. "But, I do love this baby. I had no intention of getting rid of her once I found out I was expecting…"

Yes. The rich up in Sine often cast their children off to the Underground if they didn't want to be parents. Or even, some terminated their pregnancies if the child was to be born out of wedlock. This was commonplace; nobody in Sine wanted a child that would disgrace their family's name. Often times, a termination was carried out without medical aid, just in case the doctor intended to spread rumours which had happened in the past. A termination would have been carried out quietly and no one spoke of the 'mistake', as they had referred to it in the Inner Walls, ever again.

It was also commonplace for arranged marriages to occur up in Sine, sometimes the girl being at least 10 years younger than her husband. The idea behind this was simple; more ties with the families meant more prosperity in future generations. Plus, every family needed an heir.

Elise was just under two years younger than Bláithín... so young, indeed.

"You could have said no. That you didn't want to be a mother so young. Or better yet, that you didn't want to  _entrust_ _ **your**_ _body_  to him? You're just  _seventeen_..."

"It was consensual. I promise…" her sister replied. "He's a good man, he cares for her a lot, which, as you know, is rare in this day and age. I don't have to fill the wife figure he was after, the maids do that. All I do is mind her."

Her sister was no longer as joyful as she used to be. It was like her soul had been sucked from her fingertips, and the life that shone in her eyes was no longer there. She didn't care to be a 'good' wife to her husband, and it seemed that no one cared to make her. But she smiled when she looked into her daughter's eyes. She loved her baby at the very least, with all of her heart, just not the man who helped create her.

"...What's her name?"

"It may be odd but, I decided to name her Eden, just over a year old now. Not a common name in Sine but… it means paradise. And I intend to show her the best version of this world that I can."

Bláithín held her niece in her arms and cradled her gently. Her thumb smoothed over her plump cheeks and she couldn't help but smile at the bundle of joy in her arms. She looked up and saw Levi and his friends in the distance, ogling her, but Farlan and Isabel walked off. Levi found himself looking at the baby.

Having a family meant living a normal life, right? That was something Bláithín had sacrificed a long time ago, but part of her yearned for it still. She never thought of being a mother alongside a father whom she didn't love. If she was ever lucky enough for experience an ounce of peace in this world, maybe she'd have a child of her own. Maybe she'd have a child with someone she loved too.

A child needed two parents around, or at least, two supportive guardians.

"Bláithín... I need to tell you something…"

"What is it?" she said, her voice turning into a coo when she saw the baby smile.

"W-we…" she began to stammer, "we aren't sisters. Not by blood."

"Huh?"

Elise sighed, taking Eden back into her arms. "It was one of the last things Uncle said to me. "Tell your sister, a true Hahn, that I give her my regards. I have no time dealing with fakes" is what he said. So, should something ever happen to Uncle, you're next in line…"

Bláithín gasped in surprise. A chance to return to Sine without having to sift through the family baggage her uncle created? She wasn't so sure.

"At the moment… My life is here. He sent me away to live out the rest of my life in Shiganshina, hoping a titan would swallow me…"

Elise sighed heavily, once again. She was doing that a lot… there must have been something else that was plaguing her, something else that was burdening her. She looked up at the sky, and then it happened. She let out a strangled sob, tears began to trickle down her cheeks, leaving tracks in their wake. Her heart was breaking right before her 'sister's' eyes and she felt so… alone.

"Elise, sweetie… what's going on? Why are you crying?"

Her sister sniffled. " _My days are numbered…_ " she replied, her voice quivering and cracking under intense emotional distress. It sounded so strained… pained, even.

"What?"

"That was something else he said… That if I ever did speak of you, or speak to you, that my days in this pathetic world would be numbered."

Bláithín's heart was in her mouth, too shocked and too hurt to speak. Was her uncle dead-set on pushing everyone away from him?

Just what in the goddesses' names was he hiding?

"And so… I ask of you, should my untimely death ever come… Will you mind Eden in my stead? Will you mind her, and love and play with her? She's a very good baby, she hardly cries…" Bláithín remained silent. "Bláithín, please?"

"I will." She answered without hesitation, her voice cracking a bit. The thought of her childhood friend being stripped of her broke her heart. She would have lost all of her family then. "But if that's the case, move to Wall Rose, where you will be safe."

Elise shook her head, as she continued to cry. "I can't. I have a duty of care to mind her in the environment where she will rule later, as her father's heir to the company."

"Then you leave! If he is a nice as he says he is, he'll care for Eden, right?!" she pleaded, desperately.

" _A child needs its mother…_ " she replied, ominously. "Up until now, I had no idea you were alive. I just figured you ran away, unable to cope… I was left alone. Without anyone."

Her heart skipped a beat. That was the one thing they needed throughout their life, a mother who loved them and was there far more often than what she was. Their mother had no control over it, but it would have helped. The guilt eroded her heart, knowing she had left Elise by herself, but it was her uncle's fault since he sent her away in the first place.

She had no way of predicting whether she'd be alive in years to come, so that she could mind Eden if the time came to it.

And here she was, doing the same thing her mother promised - promising she'd be around, regardless of what happened.

* * *

Later that evening, Levi had just come in from training with his 3DMG. Isabel and Farlan had already fallen asleep hours prior.

He saw that there was a cup of tea left on his bedside locker, one he did not make. There was a note beside it.

_I heard chamomile tea does wonders for insomnia, I'll be using these tonight._

_Bláithín_

He it until there was not a single drop left.

And sure enough, he slept well for the first time in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think! I really love to hear your own thoughts. What do you guys think of the situation that Elise is in, that Eden is in? Or what do you think her uncle could possibly be hiding? I know I haven't revealed much yet (all in due time) but you know, I'd love to hear theories.


	8. 7. Reminiscence

He heard crying and awoke. He didn’t get up out of bed though, savouring the half-sleep state he was in. 

 

Ever since Bláithín bought him the chamomile tea, he had been sleeping very well, for the first time in years, too. His eyes felt heavy and he didn’t want to wake up, but the day of a soldier in the Survey Corps started pretty early. 

 

The cries from what he presumed was coming from the Mess Hall continued, though they seemed to be calming down. Bláithín managed to persuade her sister to stay in Trost for a couple of days at least, and that meant Elise’s baby was occasionally waddling around the barracks for a few hours everyday. 

 

“Big-bro!” Isabel exclaimed as she burst through the door, “make the baby be quiet!” she whined.

 

_ Speaking of babies _ , Levi said to himself as he watched her sit down. “Babies usually cry for two reasons. If they’re hungry or if they need changing. They shit and piss themselves right up their backs, it’s gross.” He snorted. 

“Wow, you seem to know a lot about babies.” She said. 

 

“What? No. It only makes sense, if you can’t speak and communicate your needs, then how else do get attention? You just scream your lungs out and hopefully your shitty diaper gets changed or whatever.”

 

The talking of children made him think of his own mother, Kuchel. The times he would cry and yell when he was so hungry, and he thought his mother couldn’t understand him. It only dawned on him years later that it’s not that she didn’t understand him; more like, she understood him  _ all too well _ . Due to their living circumstances though, she just couldn’t fulfil his request to be fed. Neither could she find food to fill her own stomach. He used to see his own mother shed tears at night, when she thought he had been sleeping. The burden the woman carried weighed heavy on her till she breathed her last breath; her last sick, dying, painful breath, before sickness overwhelmed her system.    
  
He wished he had gotten up and wiped those tears away. He was but a child at the time and lived in unfortunate circumstances. But he was well acquainted with pain, even from an early age. The mother who pretended to be so strong was so riddled with pain, physically and mentally, all she could do was sob in defeat because fate dictated her to raise a child in a place that was not at all hospitable.

 

He shut his eyes tightly for a second to block out the painful memories. He got up and walked towards the door once he heard the crying had more or less stopped. He walked into the Mess Hall and saw Bláithín and her sister. It seemed as though Elise was going home today and he noted that Bláithín looked rather  _ sad _ . 

 

Elise had packed her bags and took the infant from Bláithín’s, placing her in the pram. Bláithín was more than sad though; she was  _ scared _ .

 

_ ‘My days are numbered…’  _

 

What does meeting with her adoptive sister have anything to do with her being killed? Perhaps Sven suspected Bláithín never died to begin with. Even so, the likelihood of her perishing was astronomically high due to her line of work. 

 

_ Just why… why did he want them dead? _

 

She thought back to her home - well, could she even call it home was another thing - in Mitras. On the days where she not a good, perfect little girl, she would wander up to the third floor of the Hahn estate. She remembered the end of the corridor to the left of, it was always enshrouded with murky shadows; the lights were not allowed to be turned on, said Sven.

 

His word was law, no matter what. 

 

But, she felt mischievous one day… and she walked into his office. The office was cleaner than she had imagined it to be, considering her uncle practically lived in it. He kept it presented well. She saw the chess board on his desk. As a girl, she never was allowed to learn that. She did remember her uncle saying something about it one time…

 

_ “A King will always conquer,” he paused as he knocked over the other counter, “its Queen. She will forever be at his mercy in life.” _

 

She remembered seeing potions bubbling away in test tubes on the shelf near his desk. She remembered seeing syringes near them too; they laid about on the desk but also inside briefcases. 

 

Her uncle was a smart man, but he didn’t like his business known. She had learned that the hard way...

 

_**“You insolent brat,”** he snarled. She gasped and turned around; her jaw slackened as she saw him remove his belt and hold it in his hands. _

.

.

 

Bláithín found herself frozen to the spot thinking about it. 

 

_ Insolent brat… _

 

_ Insolent brat… _

 

It echoed in her head. 

 

She shook away the painful memories and proceeded to walk her sister out the door. She leaned down and kissed Eden on her forehead before speaking again. “I have two expeditions coming up. A small-scale one which is tonight and a larger one not long after that. I’ll write to you shortly after they are done and I’ll come visit you. I can’t guarantee it will be soon though.”

 

“That’s fine. I’d probably be free to see you too anyway. Write to me in advance.” She replied.

 

Bláithín watched her wheel her pram and pull it into the carriage. She raised her arm into the air, almost as a way of gesturing her to get out, to come back, but she knew it wouldn’t be good for her either to stay here. 

 

The carriage took took off, leaving Bláithín behind watching it ride off into the horizon. Her lips trembled with anxiety and for the first time in a while, she felt her eyes well. 

 

Maybe it was because there was no way of knowing if this was the last time she’d see her?

 

Maybe it was because she was losing  _ more _ precious people in her life and there was nothing she could do about it? Everything was out of her control, wasn’t to plan. 

 

And Bláithín hated that. 

 

If her sister was soon to meet her untimely death… when was Bláithín going to meet hers?

 

She exhaled heavily and walked back into the headquarters and saw Levi resting against the architrave. “What do you need, Levi?”

 

“What’s this about a small expedition you mentioned?”

 

“Long story short, if we don’t catch a Titan, Hange will start drooling inappropriately. We received permission from Commander Keith to carry it out. Not many people are coming.” She replied.

 

“Am I?” he asked. “And is Erwin?”

 

Bláithín looked at him and corked a brow, acting curious. Of course, she knew full well why he wanted to know if Erwin was coming along, and since he wasn’t, he suddenly seemed less interested. Not that he looked totally interested in the first place. His aim was to dispose of Erwin Smith and in exchange, he’d get citizenship in the inner wall. It made sense; he had a lifetime a suffering and the least he deserved, along with many other like-minded people from the Underground, was perhaps a cushy life in the Inner Wall. This wasn’t going to work out though. Erwin knew he was being targeted and didn’t plan on being killed by some uncontrollable mercenary. 

 

“No, he’s not. I’d suggest refilling your gas and replacing your blades.” 

 

“Tch, why should I?” He squawked, almost as if he was surprised she ‘dared’ to give him an order. 

 

She looked at him with a slight deadpan. “Because I said so, now hurry it up.” 

* * *

It wasn’t long before a myriad of stars dotted the sky above them. The sun hadn’t entirely set though, so there was a lovely sunset to behold. There was a crisp breeze, one that their cloaks wouldn’t shield them from. Bláithín, among others, were shivering.

 

Before they had set off for the Titan enrapture that evening, Bláithín assigned a horse to Levi. He was black and more importantly to Levi, perfectly groomed.  _ Perfect for a clean-freak _ , she said to herself. Levi seemed to have a knack for getting along with animals, perhaps… better than his attempt at getting along with people.

 

“Stay behind me. We won’t see much as it’s night, so you probably won’t get the same rush soldiers nor--”

 

“Whatever.” He said, cutting her off.

 

**Exhibit A:** clearly animals were easier to get along with than humans for Levi. 

 

Hange gave strict instructions to stay tucked together. She was approaching this enrapture differently. Titans moved provided there was sunlight. She wanted to know if even just one Titan would follow and until how long. She brought torches with her though, and was hoping the light from them would lure them along. 

 

They snapped the reins as they made their way out of the Trost District and en route to outside the wall of Shiganshina. The order was to stay as close to the wall as much as possible. They started to slow down on Hange’s orders, which was only a few kilometres from the Walls. The horses were trained to run far longer distances, so if they needed to flee, the option was available.

 

It certainly was rather peaceful for now, nightfall was slowly creeping in so less Titans would be about. It always felt great to escape the repugnant smell from inside the walls. The clean, crisp air always felt so refreshing. 

 

She felt her horse becoming restless so she knew there was a Titan about. She was quickly snapped away from her cloud nine and reminded of the cruel lives they lived and of the humanoid monsters who dictated their freedom. As they rode to the other side of the hill, she was quick to detect a two hands hovering over them. 

 

**_“TITAN!!!”_ **

 

“Levi, take down that one on the left!” Bláithín ordered as she catapulted herself into the air. She launched her grappling hooks and aimed to slice at the Achilles tendon. The Titan began to fall to the ground and the soldiers scattered away. She noticed Levi hadn’t obeyed her orders. He remained glued to the saddle of his horse. His face looked slackened and she saw emotions strong enough to make his face move. 

 

Levi was  _ afraid _ . He was rooted with shock and fear. She didn’t think he had it in him. But who wouldn’t be scared seeing a Titan for the first time? In general, Levi didn’t lack the skill; if anything, he had an abundance of it. But it was his pride that would get him killed, or his inability to listen. Maybe a bit of a shock was all he needed. Titans weren’t predictable like humans so maybe, if his line was suddenly put on the line, even just for a second, it would shock him enough into listening to his younger superior. 

 

The Titan almost squashed Levi had she not screamed at him again. “LEVI, GET OUT OF THE WAY!” 

 

Maybe it had dawned on him that no matter how good at 3DMG he was, Titans’ moves were totally unpredictable beyond the walls? Or that the Titan dummies he had been training on were not at all accurate representations of the Titans themselves? He came to his senses though and rode out of the way while his squad leader delivered the finishing blow to the nape. 

 

It was just as he had heard, they were grotesque and intimidating beyond words. 

 

She jumped off the burning carcass and ran over to him. “Why didn’t you follow my orders, you could--” she stopped upon feeling a shadow come over them. Another titan with its eyes dead-set on the two of them. She hissed a sigh and carried out another finishing blow to the nape. 

 

“Is it meant to smell that bad?” He asked, blocking his nose with his sleeve as he watched it decay.

 

“Yes, unfortunately. Once the cut has been delivered, they break down very quickly. Now, get back on your horse, and you  **_will_ ** follow my orders the next time!” She lectured. 

 

They continued to patrol the area until Hange had more or less lost the plot and spotted a deviant she wanted. She ordered everyone to chase into a forest. Of course, no one in their right mind would chase after a deviant but that was Hange Zoe for you. It didn’t help they were riding through the dark and visibility was limited. The fear on the soldiers’ faces was undeniable - they did not want to be here, but who would for that matter?

 

“Come back, my darling! I just want to  _ plaaaay _ !” Hange yelled, gleefully. 

 

_ “Someone put her in the nuthouse.” _ Said another soldier.

 

The forest wasn’t that big and they exited it almost as quickly as they came in. Hange came to her senses and her horses skidded to a halt once she discovered a swarm of titans. They weren’t necessarily outnumbered but there was certainly too many to take down for such a small number of soldiers. All soldiers flew up in the air to engage, much to Hange’s dismay. 

 

They fought mercilessly, severing limb upon limb. Smoke rose into the air, filling their lungs. It was hard to breathe. Levi and Bláithín hacked away at the titans. She stopped mid air upon hearing a blood curdling scream. 

 

“HANGE!” 

 

She gasped and looked back into the distance and saw that Hange was grabbed. Skimming through the air, she cut the Titan’s arm and the grip was released. Hange fell to the ground and Bláithín stood up to shield her. Hange and her continued to back away from the Titan that tried to grab with its other arm. 

 

She looked  _ ‘good’  _ here, didn’t she? She was defending one of her closest friends. That’s what it was meant to be good. She kept wiggling the blade in the Titan’s face. Her facial expression contrasted her actions, you could see it in her eyes. They looked calm, still, devoid of fear and panic. 

 

Maybe she was done with being  _ good _ , she was done with being  _ perfect _ . 

 

Maybe she hated being perfect but for so long, it was all she ever aimed for. 

 

_ Perfection _ , it was going to be her downfall one of these days. 

 

**_Insolent brat…_ **

 

**_Insolent brat…_ **

 

**_Insolent brat…_ **

 

_ I’ve been nothing but good this whole time _ , she whispered under her breath as the Titan grabbed her by the waist and lifted her into the air. 

 

**_Insolent brat..._ **

 

She looked back at Levi and she just knew he saw it; he saw how she had resigned herself to death if it came to it. She had no problem dying, as long as she looked morally good in the process. She wanted to look like she was saving a life instead of her own, so that she’d be remembered as a ‘good’ person. Because all her life, her uncle saw her as the very opposite.

 

An insolent brat, right? 

 

He didn't look too impressed as he whirled into the air and killed his first titan. He didn’t think he’d have to save his  _ superior _ . She fell to the ground and brought a hand up to her ribs where she was squeezed and saw two boots step before her. She looked up and saw the man who saved her.

 

“Don’t make yourself look like some piss-poor hero. Have some dignity and value your life, you idiot.” He said coolly. He wasn’t impressed, not at all, but he bent down and slung her arm over his shoulder and helped her stand. “Hange, we need to seek shelter. We’re freezing our asses off here. Or better yet, let’s just go back.” 

 

Hange managed to stand up by herself just fine. She looked at all of the soldiers’ dejected faces and realized that it was foolish idea to go out at such an ungodly hour… even in the name of science, she had to admit it! It had been around fourteen years since they last successfully captured a Titan and even then,  _ twenty  _ soldiers lost their lives for it. She sighed and ordered everyone to retreat. 

 

Levi assisted his squad leader over to her horse. She hopped up on the saddle, trying to clear her mind. Levi saw through her act and a part of her felt… ashamed? 

 

“Are you okay?” he asked and for once, he sounded concerned. Even if it was only a tiny bit. Did she even deserve his concern. She was still in shock, he could see it; she looked into the distance as she failed to command her own horse to follow everyone else. “Oi… You heard me, right? Don’t tell me that shitty Titan made you go deaf or something?”

 

She looked at him and then looked out into the distance and gently snapped the reins, “Y-yeah, I’m fine.”

* * *

It was late that night when Levi returned to his dorm and he was beyond relieved to see that Isabel and Farlan had stayed awake from them. Levi walked over to the window and shut the blinds before sliding into his bed. He didn’t even bother to change into looser clothes for bed - which Farlan and Isabel noticed - and asked him.

 

“Levi-bro? What’s the matter? You always change into looser clothes before bed?”

 

He rolled over onto his side, his back facing them. Isabel peered over, checking on him and noticed he was shivering. She informed Farlan by whispering it in his ear. He nodded and left the room. 

 

“Oi, where’s he going?” he snarled, his voice sounding a bit nasal. “I don’t need anyone to come--” he began, but Farlan came back with Bláithín. 

 

“I hear you’re sick, Levi.” She spoke, genuine concern lacing her tone. 

 

“I’m not  _ sick _ ,” e retorted, which was followed by two sneezes. The blonde squad leader chuckled at his stubbornness and walked over to him. She pressed her hand against his forehead and he slapped it away. “Don’t touch me, get your hands off me! I don’t need you babying me.”

 

“But I’m not trying to. You have a fever and you’re getting a cold. I may be your superior but I am responsible for you three as well,” she replied. She had come into the room fully equipped and popped a thermometer in his mouth. “Thirty-eight degrees, just a little bit high. Nothing too serious…” She said. 

 

Isabel stared at her in slight awe. Beneath her occasionally strict exterior (as expected of an elite soldier), she could tell she genuinely cared about them all. Levi tried to refuse her help but eventually, he gave up trying to shoo her away and let her talk. He let her give her advice on what to drink and eat. And maybe realized it too. 

 

She tore the blankets off him and sighed heavily. “Change into something lighter--”

 

“I’ll be fine. Please, let me sleep.”

 

She stopped to appreciate his ‘please’, even if he didn’t truly mean it. “Listen to me, change into something lighter. You’ll overheat and you’ll feel even worse, your brain will fry. And we don’t want that.” 

 

“What made him get sick?” Farlan asked. 

 

“If I had to guess, it’s the weather. He’s not the only one from the expedition who has gotten a case of the chills. It’ll pass though, he’ll be fine,” she said, as she walked towards the door. “If you’re not over it by tomorrow night, I’ll get Hange to check on you, or something… Sleep well, Levi.” She said, and shut the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Please let me know what you think!


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